" If I could be anything but a mistress, passionately caring for nothing but his caresses; but I can't and I don't care to be anything else.

And by that desire I rouse aversion in him, and he rouses fury in me, and it cannot be different.

Don't I know that he wouldn't deceive me, that he has no schemes about Princess Sorokina, that he's not in love with Kitty, that he won't desert me! I know all that, but it makes it no better for me.

If without loving me, from _duty_ he'll be good and kind to me, without what I want, that's a thousand times worse than unkindness! That's--hell! And that's just how it is.

For a long while now he hasn't loved me.