I heard today that my brother Nikolay...you know, he's here...I had even forgotten him.
It seems to me that he's happy too.
It's a sort of madness.
But one thing's awful....
Here, you've been married, you know the feeling...it's awful that we--old--with a past... not of love, but of sins...are brought all at once so near to a creature pure and innocent; it's loathsome, and that's why one can't help feeling oneself unworthy.