It seems to me they're taking stock of me and summing me up.

In old days to go anywhere in a ball dress was a simple joy to me, I admired myself; now I feel ashamed and awkward.

And then! The doctor....

Then..." Kitty hesitated; she wanted to say further that ever since this change had taken place in her, Stepan Arkadyevitch had become insufferably repulsive to her, and that she could not see him without the grossest and most hideous conceptions rising before her imagination.